HealthBridge's In-Home Care Blog

It is no secret that being the sole caregiver for an aging loved one can often feel overwhelming. Of course, you want to give the love and attention you felt as a child back to your parents as they age, but this can sometimes lead to strife among family members, lack of sleep, immune-system deficiency, and a myriad of other health problems. Sometimes it seems never ending. How can we cope with these stressors?

Flying home from a family reunion this past weekend, I read an interesting article in Newsweek titled The Caregiving Boomerang. It is written by Gail Sheehy, the author of 'Passages.'  It pointed out a lot of the negative aspects of being a caregiver, but also how to combat them. Here are a few of the ideas that Gail has used in her own life to ward off the negative and focus on the positive.

• Be on the same team with your siblings.  Some studies have shown that siblings are the number one cause of interpersonal stress when dealing with the care of a parent.  If your parents are still independent, meet with your siblings and come up with a team plan now.  If your parents are dependent, see your siblings in person with a mediator (i.e. a social worker or your parents primary physician). Have your siblings share what they think they can bring to the table, whether it be money or time. Just because you live the closest does not mean that the responsibility should be yours alone.

• Start a care calendar online that can be accessed by all involved in your loved ones care.  It will help keep you organized and off the phone.  You can search for them on google or check out this one.

• Join a local support group where you can hear stories and ideas from veteran caregivers.  As silly as it sounds, sometimes it's just nice to know you aren't the only one dealing with this. Here are a couple Dallas based support groups.

• Since lack of sleep is often a symptom of caregiving, excercise regularly. Excercise is beneficial in many ways.  That jog around the neighborhood is a little time to yourself, it will make you feel good, and help you sleep more restfully at night. Admit it, you know you're a pro at multi-tasking by now!

• Gail insists that the caregiver take an hour a day for themselves.  Whether it's to get a pedicure or just have coffee with a friend, this is an essential rule.  I'm sure the reasoning behind it is pretty obvious.  Instead of racking yourself with guilt over leaving your loved one for an hour, look at it as a reward for a job well done. If you can't take the time away from them without worrying, then it's okay to hire a caregiver.
  

• Remember that you're a fallible human being. No one is perfect and you cannot hold yourself to a standard that cannot be upheld.  You cannot control the aging or illness of your loved one. And you need to remember that you are doing the best you can, even if the care recipient says otherwise.  Sometimes it is nice to have a daily affirmation.  I would choose one that incorporates your love for the care recipient, yourself, and your peace of mind.

Try to keep in touch with old friends, family members, and your church or temple.  When the day comes that your loved one leaves you, staying in contact with these people will be one of the easiest ways to transition back to "yourself."  Hopefully, utilizing these steps will keep you from becoming too overwhelmed by caregiving and keep you young at heart.